Tears: A Reflective Intimacy.
At a very significant period in my life, I understood the value of tears. I call it a significant period because it was the time I started my life as a full-fledged adult. I moved out of my father’s house to make dreams come through but I didn’t know how to. The family I stayed with at that time here in Lagos believed I had it figured out. My parents trusted me. I made everyone believe I got it under control but I didn’t let them see my struggle.
It was in this period I voraciously consumed The Word of Life. I searched for peace and reassurance. I came across a scripture in the Old Testament that said, “Our tears go up to Him as a language”.
When my eyes got to the end of the sentence, it unlocked my chest and bore aloft my burden. “Our tears go up to Him as a language” I meditated…then I spoke the language…
I cried that day with the conviction that He saw my struggle. I cried knowing every tear was a word I couldn’t say. I cried with confidence that someone understood me deeply. When I exhausted the tears, I knew I unlocked a special level of intimacy with Him.
I woke up every other morning believing in a promise. A promise that I understood only one keyword because the rest of the words in the statement weren’t clear at the time. I didn’t know everything still, I knew one thing and I believed. I followed the light that was leading me as a curious child would do. My trust in Him grew.
“There are many different ways of growing and an infinite number of lessons to be learned in life. But, there are some kinds of growth that come to us only if we are willing to stop, pause, and allow the lessons to catch up with us.”
I had most of these moments last year.
I encountered various episodes of pruning. Some I absconded from due to my ignorance. For others, I responded with pure obstinacy. It led to many days of worry I couldn’t count or explain. The same set of questions like “Why can’t I get it right?”,” What’s stopping me from making this money?” and a more complex version of “God when?” would go through my mind. The dither in my mind made me lash out at people like they caused my problems. It caused “out-of-the-blues” mood swings I couldn’t explain. I needed healing but accessing it was my problem.
Between these moments of anxiety, I visited the zone of intimacy Abba and I shared. I still spoke the language He showed me but I didn’t receive answers. I later found out I wasn’t exercising intimacy; I was diligently complaining. Yet, after persistent inquiry, He said, “I need you to rise to the occasion. Think like a Son and not a Servant.” Clarity hit me in a deep yet soft manner. This was His call to rise above everything I saw as a struggle, EVERYTHING. This message started yielding fruits in my heart when another word-based seed came, “God needs Men”.
At that instant, I became conscious of the work Abba wants to do but they aren’t many that are willing to serve, sacrifice, or surrender. I listened more…I paid attention to the details I missed when I was thinking like a servant. I became aware of the reality that maturity started in the mind. To those that want to solve problems, make life a little better for the next person beside them, provide insights, create value, bring joy to faces, show forth the light, improve lives, give selflessly, change perspectives; He makes His boast in them by continuing where their human ability stop. The slightest evidence of one person saying “I want to do it”, “I will sort this out”, and “Here I am, send me”, is all He needs.
After you’ve done the job, you can step back and see how He used you as an instrument to create a marvelous experience that brought satisfaction to at least one soul.
This is my life now; being an instrument of His love, satiating one heart at a time through the many gifts He’s given me. It is the best version of myself I’ve seen and I accessed this by trusting Him.
God is calling You…
